Cloudy Weather Report Ramallah, Palestine +4°C, Cloudy

Latest News

View more

Okonjo-Iweala: Ex-minister reveals how FG can defeat corruption

Former Minister of Finance, Dr. Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala, has revealed that the best way for the Federal Government to properly tackle corruption is to strengthen the

Fela Kuti: Late legend's song featured in new Nike ad [Video]

Fela Kuti Late legend's song featured in new Nike ad [Video] The latest Nike advert which features Ronaldhino and Neymar has a familiar soundtrack: It's Fela

BREAKING: Super Eagles’ victory, independence gift to Nigerians, says Buhari

President commends Akwa Ibom govt for supporting team Olalekan Adetayo, Abuja President Muhammadu Buhari on Saturday congratulated the Super Eagles on their victory over the Chipolopolo of

Odd Enough: This couple's reaction to getting busted during sex in the car is legendary

At some point in your life, you're probably going to get caught having sex. But what happens next is completely up to you, and the

Finance: A former Goldman Sachs VP who founded a crypto hedge fund says betting on bitcoin is like betting on the internet in the 90s

The cryptocurrency market has exploded this year with over 1,000 digital currencies now on the market. The price of bitcoin, the first and largest cryptocurrency, has

When staying in marriage because of the children becomes a ‘sacrifice’

Elizabeth Badejo It’s Saturday morning again, after working five days a week, you would expect to have a good lie in together with a nice cup

Worth Reading

Amazing! This Pastor Claims to Heal by Kissing His Flocks - Video

Wonders shall never end.  This is a new one.... Ghanaian pastor based in South Africa claims to heal folks through kisses.  Yes, full blown tongue in

Nigeria vs Zambia 1-0 - (Video)

Watch the football match between Nigeria vs Zambia 1-0, shows  Extended Highlights from the 2018 World Cup Qualifiers on 7 October 2017

The Marriage Test Bucket - (Video)

Watch this hilarious spoof:  The Marriage Scanning Bucket.  Please leave a review below.

Columnists

View more

Africa

View more
Home | News |

Tech: Why 'Attack of the Clones' is the worst 'Star Wars' movie — and one of the worst movies ever

'); }else{ document.write(''); fbAsyncIds.push('fwid5'); fbStatUrls.push('https://www.blick.ch/stats/?rt=1&objId=6744534&type=article&ctxId=3785&pubId=2&cat=news&meta=like&title=Why+%27Attack+of+the+Clones%27+is+the+worst+%27Star+Wars%27+movie+%E2%80%94+and+one+of+the+worst+movies+ever&url=http%3A%2F%2Fpulse.ng%2Fbi%2Ftech%2Ftech-why-attack-of-the-clones-is-the-worst-star-wars-movie-and-one-of-the-worst-movies-ever-id6744534.html'); }} /* ]]> */

May marks the 40th anniversary of "Star Wars: A New Hope," but it also has another, less joyful milestone: the 15th anniversary of "Attack of the Clones," which was (to our disappointment) released to a theater near you on May 16, 2002.

But maybe it's not as bad as everyone says it is or as bad as I remember it. Maybe it's secretly the best prequel. I hadn't seen it in a long time, so who am I to judge? Turns out, I was right.

I took a stab at re-watching "Attack of the Clones" with the intention of giving it the benefit of the doubt, but it just made me feel like I was getting stabbed in the eyes (and the heart). "Attack of the Clones" is a soulless, disjointed parade of clichés that took everything anyone loved about the "Star Wars" franchise and hid it behind wooden dialogue, junky visual effects, galaxy politics no one cares about, and forgettable characters who don't matter. At least "Phantom Menace" had a cool villain in Darth Maul and sweet Sebulba.

The movie is so unwatchable save for Ewan McGregor's welcome presence, for which he should win some kind of peace prize that it literally took me weeks to watch it. I could only bear it in 20-30 minute intervals. At a painful and unnecessary 2 hours and 22 minutes, "Attack of the Clones" makes watching the depressing ending of "Rogue One" on repeat sound appealing.

Here's why "Attack of the Clones" is the worst movie in the "Star Wars" franchise:

While the script is dumbed down, ridden with cheesy one-liners and sentences that are not authentic for any living creature the has a mouth, it's still hard to follow.

While the script is dumbed down, ridden with cheesy one-liners and sentences that are not authentic for any living creature the has a mouth, it's still hard to follow.play

While the script is dumbed down, ridden with cheesy one-liners and sentences that are not authentic for any living creature the has a mouth, it's still hard to follow.

(Lucasfilm)

There is so much plot that it’s actually completely plotless. In having too many storylines and new characters, the point of the movie — to showcase Anakin's eventual turn to the dark side — gets completely lost.

There is so much plot that it’s actually completely plotless. In having too many storylines and new characters, the point of the movie — to showcase Anakin's eventual turn to the dark side — gets completely lost.play

There is so much plot that it’s actually completely plotless. In having too many storylines and new characters, the point of the movie — to showcase Anakin's eventual turn to the dark side — gets completely lost.

(LucasFilm)

One of those plot lines? Anakin and Padmé's love story, which is just as forced as it is uninteresting. It's also terribly portrayed by future Oscar winner Natalie Portman.

One of those plot lines? Anakin and Padmé's love story, which is just as forced as it is uninteresting. It's also terribly portrayed by future Oscar winner Natalie Portman.play

One of those plot lines? Anakin and Padmé's love story, which is just as forced as it is uninteresting. It's also terribly portrayed by future Oscar winner Natalie Portman.

(LucasFilm)

If Ewan McGregor can sell a scene of exposition with a computer-generated deli owner, Portman should've been able to sell her love for Hayden Christensen.

If Ewan McGregor can sell a scene of exposition with a computer-generated deli owner, Portman should've been able to sell her love for Hayden Christensen.play

If Ewan McGregor can sell a scene of exposition with a computer-generated deli owner, Portman should've been able to sell her love for Hayden Christensen.

(YouTube/LucasFilm)

“I am haunted by the kiss that you should never have given me” is an actual sentence that Anakin says to Padmé. The progression of their relationship is a total copout.

“I am haunted by the kiss that you should never have given me” is an actual sentence that Anakin says to Padmé. The progression of their relationship is a total copout.play

“I am haunted by the kiss that you should never have given me” is an actual sentence that Anakin says to Padmé. The progression of their relationship is a total copout.

(LucasFilm)

Padmé's character only exists to die, which will be the thing that turns Anakin into Darth Vader. A character who fears death, especially the death of those they love, is an interesting idea, but Lucas' script makes it incredibly ham-fisted and boring. The romance is supposed to be the thing that makes us care about Anakin, but it actually makes me (and everyone else) hate him.

The movie is essentially just a series of boring things happening. At the end a battle is happening, and then you wake up and realize it’s been over for 20 minutes. Oh, but wait, it’s not over, because the Battle of Geonosis is still happening, and it will never end.

The movie is essentially just a series of boring things happening. At the end a battle is happening, and then you wake up and realize it’s been over for 20 minutes. Oh, but wait, it’s not over, because the Battle of Geonosis is still happening, and it will never end.play

The movie is essentially just a series of boring things happening. At the end a battle is happening, and then you wake up and realize it’s been over for 20 minutes. Oh, but wait, it’s not over, because the Battle of Geonosis is still happening, and it will never end.

(LucasFilm)

The visual effects are even more botched than the story.

The visual effects are even more botched than the story.play

The visual effects are even more botched than the story.

(LucasFilm)

Poor Ewan McGregor spends the majority of the movie exchanging banalities with computer-generated characters.

Poor Ewan McGregor spends the majority of the movie exchanging banalities with computer-generated characters.play

Poor Ewan McGregor spends the majority of the movie exchanging banalities with computer-generated characters.

(LucasFilm)

When Obi-Wan discovers the clone army of Boba Fetts, he does a lot of sitting and standing with these aliens, whose inspiration was probably runway models.

Count Dooku is a pointless villain who comes out of nowhere with no explanation and has no impact on the larger story arc whatsoever. His fight with Yoda made through a 2002 computer feels more choreographed than the opening sequence of "La La Land."

Count Dooku is a pointless villain who comes out of nowhere with no explanation and has no impact on the larger story arc whatsoever. His fight with Yoda made through a 2002 computer feels more choreographed than the opening sequence of "La La Land."play

Count Dooku is a pointless villain who comes out of nowhere with no explanation and has no impact on the larger story arc whatsoever. His fight with Yoda made through a 2002 computer feels more choreographed than the opening sequence of "La La Land."

(Lucasfilm/"Attack of the Clones")

Yoda's flips and tricks make it look like he's trying to win a spot in the Galaxy Olympics.

Jedi touch butts.

Jedi touch butts.play

Jedi touch butts.

(LucasFilm)

One of the most exciting things about the prequels upon release, and “Attack of the Clones” in particular, was the fact that we would get to see Jedi in battle together. But turns out it’s pretty much just Jedi turning their backs toward each other, butt to butt, and blocking lasers with their lightsabers.

Battle droids are useless, and will always be useless — so why are they presented as a threat?

Battle droids are useless, and will always be useless — so why are they presented as a threat?play

Battle droids are useless, and will always be useless — so why are they presented as a threat?

(LucasFilm)

At least Stormtroopers look kind of scary and a few of them can aim.

Right before the Battle of Geonisys, Count Dooku tells Mace Windu that the Jedi are severely outnumbered, and in march a bunch of battle droids. If we learned anything from “The Phantom Menace,” battle droids are easy to kill and only exist in this context as an excuse to use special effects (which suck, even for 15 years ago).

Like this battle Obi-Wan has with Jango Fett after he discovers the clone army. There are no stakes, but they added some darkness and some rain to heighten the drama. It didn't work.

Like this battle Obi-Wan has with Jango Fett after he discovers the clone army. There are no stakes, but they added some darkness and some rain to heighten the drama. It didn't work.play

Like this battle Obi-Wan has with Jango Fett after he discovers the clone army. There are no stakes, but they added some darkness and some rain to heighten the drama. It didn't work.

(LucasFilm)

The words "senate" and "vote" are seemingly used more often than the words "Jedi," "star," or "wars," as if politics was what fans loved the most about "Star Wars."

The words "senate" and "vote" are seemingly used more often than the words "Jedi," "star," or "wars," as if politics was what fans loved the most about "Star Wars."play

The words "senate" and "vote" are seemingly used more often than the words "Jedi," "star," or "wars," as if politics was what fans loved the most about "Star Wars."

(LucasFilm)

So this movie is great if you like to watch people sit around and talk about politics for nearly three hours. It’s like watching C-SPAN but they have funny costumes.

Besides actual human angel Ewan McGregor, the only other redeeming thing about this movie is the laughable sand scene.

To its credit, it has varied settings and gives us the most vast look at the universe of all the "Star Wars" movies, but that is also in a way its downfall.

To its credit, it has varied settings and gives us the most vast look at the universe of all the "Star Wars" movies, but that is also in a way its downfall.play

To its credit, it has varied settings and gives us the most vast look at the universe of all the "Star Wars" movies, but that is also in a way its downfall.

(LucasFilm)

We get to see a lot of planets and creatures in the movie — too many to even keep focus.

Tags

No tags for this article
Disclaimer: Opinions expressed here are those of the writers and do not reflect those of Nigeriadailynews.com. Nigeriadailynews.com accepts no responsibility legal or otherwise for their accuracy of content. Please report any inappropriate content to us, and we will evaluate it as a matter of priority.

Related Articles

Politics: Here's the weaponry aboard the guided-missile cruiser heading for the 5th fleet

Politics Here's the weaponry aboard the guided-missile cruiser heading for the 5th fleet Published: 5 minutes ago , Refreshed: 2 minutes ago Daniel Brown It has a range of

Tech: SoftBank plans to invest roughly $880 billion in tech through its already-massive Vision Fund

Tech SoftBank plans to invest roughly $880 billion in tech through its already-massive Vision Fund Published: 11 minutes ago , Refreshed: 1 minute ago Alex Heath Japanese conglomerate

Tech: Twitter admits it hasn't kept its promises to make Twitter safer and published deadlines for new rules (TWTR)

Tech Twitter admits it hasn't kept its promises to make Twitter safer and published deadlines for new rules (TWTR) Published: 8 minutes ago , Refreshed: 1

Most Watched Videos

View all posts

Australian firefighters strip off for calendar in new TV show

Take a look at what's to come on The Story of the Australian Firefighters Calendar

VIDEO: Auditor General’s damning report on Uganda’s sh6.5 trillion liabilities

VIDEO: The Office of the Auditor General has released a shocking report on Uganda’s financial stand, putting the country’s liabilities at sh 6.5 trillion. According to

Woman Shocks Passersby After Experiencing A "Period Explosion" In Public. (Photos/Video)

A woman took part in a ‘period explosion’ social experiment to see how members of the public would react. Some passersby were very shocked while

Video: ARIK Air Manager Beaten Up By Passengers

In a rather disappointing situation, tension rose at the Murtala Mohammed International Airport, MMIA, Lagos on Tuesday when a fight broke out between an Arik

Russian model Anastasia Kvitko flaunts sexy curves on Instagram

Russian model Anastasia Kvitko flaunts her curves in a sexy bathing suit on Instagram

Most Read News

View all posts

Iwobi: Henry still advises me

Alex Iwobi  has revealed that  Arsenal  legend  Thierry Henrystill advises him on his game today. Henry, now an assistant to Roberto Martinez in the Belgium setup

Buhari: Nigeria will crash if President stays in 2019 – Arewa chieftain says

Buhari Nigeria will crash if President stays in 2019 – Arewa chieftain says According to Abdulrahman, it was a merger between the South-West and the North, that

FLASH | Wike is in support of IPoB, APC alleges

The Rivers state chapter of the All Progressives Congress(APC) has alleged that Governor Nyesom Wike is tactically in support of the activities of the Indigenous people of Biafra (IPoB) Below

SMW Lagos 2018: Annual digital media and tech event calls for next edition submissions

SMW Lagos 2018 Annual digital media and tech event calls for next edition submissions The global theme for SMW 2018, “Closer,” will explore the intensifying conflict between

Goalkeeper dies after tragic collision with team–mate

Indonesian football has been rocked by the passing of one its most iconic players, Choirul Huda, during an on-field collision with a team-mate. Choirul HudaThe 38-year-old,

Saraki meets new IPU President Ms. Barron

The President of the Senate Dr. Bukola Saraki has met with the newly elected President of the Inter- Parliamentary Union(IPU) Assembly, Madam Gabriela Barron of

Most Watched Movies

In Bed With My Sister 1

Movies 2017|latest nollywood movies| 2017 Nigerian movies The secrets of Mr Ozor, an Occult man, has been revealed through the wife but she has to

Inside Beauty 1

Nigerian Movies 2017|latest nollywood movies| 2017 Nigerian movies A twin born lady who was born with a scar on her face which made her feel

The Forbidden Land

This story is about a wicked king who takes people's lands by force and treats his people badly.Meanwhile his priest saw a vision about a

Love Me Please

Latest Nigerian Movies|2017 Latest Nigerian Movies|Nigerian Movies Two lovers who love themselves dearly, were separated by an unfavorable incident. This created a huge vacuum in

cron